Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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