So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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