It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
