you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
