Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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