I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
