The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
