Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
