Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Text me some of your sweat
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
