Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
