hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
