I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
