I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
