Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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