i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
