Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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