I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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