alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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