The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
