Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
