I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
