Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
