either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
where am i from again
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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