And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
