I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
