When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
