STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
