I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
