This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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