sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Houston, we have a squirter
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
