Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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