I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize