I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
