end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
