I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my vag is so smooth its legendary
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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