I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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