I think my fart just growled at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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