We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
