Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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