i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
