you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize