I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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