i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
