I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize