Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
