If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
