All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
