someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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