ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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