she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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