i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
