loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
