And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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