pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
