Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
