omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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