peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
