just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
