thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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