Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
