At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
