so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
