i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
