I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
