dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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