By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
