we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
