I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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