My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
