i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize