we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
