Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize