Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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