Pappa wants mamma naked
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
